Lunesta, sleep apnea and whaaaaaa the helll?

I sleep about as good as a hummingbird on crack. I hear everything, I change positions 50 times, and constantly wake up in a panic. Throw in some obstructive sleep apnea and you've got one tired fat guy come morning. So I approach this problem with a double whammy, sleep meds and C.P.A.P. If you aren't familiar with the CPAP it's a machine that keeps your airway open while you sleep so you don't snore or stop breathing which tends to wake you up. The body has this obsession with getting oxygen, when you have sleep apnea it cuts it off and then your brain likes to pump adrenaline into your system to wake you up and remind you that your kind of dying right now and you should wake up. When I don't use my CPAP this cycle happens 128 times per night or so says the 20 year old kid who ran my sleep study, ten thousand dollars worth of sleep study equipment and the guy running it it still being claimed on his Mom's taxes, go figure.

Now, one would think that this combo of drugs and air is the perfect blend to create a relaxing nights sleep. Yeeesss sleeeeepp........WAIT! Start back at the beginning: Lunesta is a sleep aid, a very powerful sleep aid that my insurance company hates because it's expensive. It also takes your mind on a freaking dream ride from hell every time you take it. Next, the CPAP, this machine is wonderful for those of you who like looking and sounding like Darth Vader. By the time you strap this on your head you're already frightened. So drugs, check, horrible mask, check...

On a typical night I fall asleep after taking my Lunesta before I put on my CPAP because the stuff works so fast you go from wide awake to lobotomized in a few minutes. For some reason I never learn this lesson I always think I have a few more minutes, side effect number 1, Lunesta makes you dumb. At this point I'll stay down until the apnea wakes me up, typically upon waking up I'm suffering from a little panic a little anxiety and I think I just had a dream about eating some one's hair. On goes the mask and right back to sleep.

Dreams: Lunesta dreams are whacked out. You might be flying in a bowl of soup talking to a frog or running down a path made of cheese being chased by an enormous bowling ball. Once I dreamt my eyes were full of apple juice and I kept trying to put straws in them to drink it. Everyone has a dream about not being able to scream right? Well on Lunesta you'll have that dream except your tongue will be dragging on the ground and while a cat drives a car in circles around you laughing. Thanks Lunesta for damaging my Psyche. Side effect #2, dreams from hell.

After about 4 hours of Tim Burton's nightmare theater the CPAP has dried out your mouth and throat so bad that your tongue is swollen. This ultimately wakes you up anyway. But if it doesn't you will probably wake up from the feeling that your being suffocated by the mask, after a while that mask plays tricks on you and the Lunesta just adds to the fun. At some point after stumbling to the bathroom for water you find your way back to bed to try and salvage what time you have left. Maybe you put the mask back on, maybe you don't but one thing is for sure, the Lunesta still wants you meet a talking sandwich and we all know there's hiding from that.

When morning hits you feel a mix of relief, confusion, bewilderment and of course you're still tired. But no worries you get to ride the Lunesta butterfly from hell again tonight, unless you switch to Ambien and I hear that stuff's like acid.